(1) Pittsburgh's new disaster early warning system will blare siren ten minutes before every Pirates game
(2) Mayor O'Connor awaits clearance from state-appointed oversight board to enter heaven
(3) Violence escalates in Iraq: Shiites gun down chief foe Sunni Corleone on Causeway in retaliation for murder of Sollozzo Hussein
(4) Jerome Bettis in rash of Detroit burglaries, key to city used to access safes, bank vaults
(5) World's first hands-transplant patient meets, slaps face of world's first face-transplant patient
(6) Snowstorm traps TV anchors on Television Hill, they resort to cannibalism
(7) Mayor wants to build identical arena next to original to simulate beautiful woman from the air
(8) Lemieux upset that Canadian businessman drops bid to buy Penguins, says he'd like to slap his Balsillie
(9) Pirates investigating why adult novelty male organ was launched into crowd during Hot Dog Shoot
(10) Gerald Ford hailed for restoring integrity to stumbling, tripping
(11) Sally Wiggin apologizes for wardrobe malfunction during Steelers Prime Time that exposed her right breast
(12) Joey Porter credits off-season workouts with Don Rickles for improving quality, cruelty of trash-talk
(13) Tanker loaded with oil, pesticide, insecticide, nuclear waste rams Rachel Carson Bridge, sinks
(14) Plastic citizens of Miniature Railroad and Village threaten to leave town unless city builds them a new miniature sports facility
(15) Steelers name Cyril Wecht as team coroner
(16) Pittsburgh City Council denies Mayor Ravenstahl's request for genuine Red Ryder 200-Shot Carbine Action Air Rifle, cites fears he'll shoot his eye out
(17) Aryan and Steeler nations deface Squirrel Hill home of woman who struck Roethlisberger
(18) Shuffleboard court found on deck of Noah's Ark
(19) Abu Ghraib prisoner pyramid to headline new Las Vegas Cirque show called "Prisonnier"
(20) Rendell failed to check into background of new gaming commission chairman, Al Capone
(21) Dick Skrinjar says Mayor O'Connor fully capable of running city even when comatose
(22) Greg Brown accused of puncturing eardrum of local waitress
(23) Narcissists protest, want same-person marriage legalized
(24) KDKA suspends anchorman for "insufficient grief" in wake of Steelers' latest loss
(25) Rendell not concerned about election, focusing his attention on dethroning Takeru Kobayashi as champ at next year's Coney Island hot dog eating contest
(26) Defeated Santorum returns to Penn Hills but can't remember where he "resides"
(27) Joey Porter's dogs hire attorney Jim Eckler to represent them
(28) Police raid raucous frat party only to discover it was Mayor's inaugural ball
(29) Popeye dead, sailor man succumbs to E Coli after consuming bagged spinach
(30) Ex-People's Court judge Wapner brought in to speed Saddam trial to conclusion, verdict expected in 15 minutes
(31) ExxonMobil CEO Moe Howard accused of price, eye gouging
(32) Special prosecutor says Karl Rove may have outed Liberace
(33) Man impersonating Vice President pulls woman over on Parkway
(34) Wecht: Second stingray, hiding on grassy knoll, involved in Steve Irwin's death
(35) Barry Bonds' teammates say his steroid physique not drug induced, Giants' slugger had third testicle implanted
(36) Cowher hints at quarterback change, may bench Roethlisberger, play Barabbas
(37) Madonna bows to public pressure, returns Luke Ravenstahl to village where she adopted him
(38) Train derailment at Carnegie Science Center's Miniature Railroad and Village dumps two ounces of Ethanol, forces evacuation of 30 miniature homes
(39) Bush pushes to keep North Korea from buildingAtomic Fireball Candy factory, vows to prevent proliferation of candies of mass destruction
(40) Santorum stresses his Italian heritage, hits campaign trail with Chef Boy
(41) Edgeworth Borough police investigate Negro sighting
(42) Port Authority begins work on Neighborhood of Make-Believe trolley, fare hike to pay for make believe improvements
(43) Zombie filmmaker George Romero tapped to be be Pirates new GM due to proven track record for raising the dead
(44) Pens retire Lemiux's athletic supporter, will raise jock to rafters at start of opener
(45) FDA recalls insecticide Raid because of high incidence of life-threatening disease in insects
(46) Litvinenko died of same radiation dosage that unleashed Godzilla
(47) VP denies shooting friend, says real gunman was on grassy knoll
(48) Venus de Milo to get breast enlargement to boost crowds at Louvre
(49) Autopsy: King Kong died of heart failure, 'twas cholesterol that killed the beast
(50) Found: Nostradamus prediction that proves he was prophet: "Future people will consider me a fraud"
Editorial of the year: Excessive shaking at ballpark urinal is appalling
